Decision Making and the Big Move

It’s amazing what a difference a year can make. 

A year ago, I was finishing up the end of the school year knowing full well that by this time the following year, I’d not only be a mother, but also an ex-pat living in England. And it scared the living daylights out of me. For all who know me, I’m pretty prude and steer clear of risks. Not so much that I’m unwilling to try new things, but when it comes to big life decisions, I play it safe. And this was not going to be the “safe” way to jump into motherhood. So why do it?

I consulted many of you when trying to determine if this was the right decision for my family, and really to determine if it was the right decision for me. Almost everyone said “do it!” “You’ll never have an opportunity like this again!” “Think of all the traveling!” A few of you were skeptical: “Man, that is a hard decision.” “Do you think you will feel comfortable having a new baby that far from your support system?” And select few of you said, “I selfishly don’t want you to go.” 

All of these were thoughts in my head as well. That, in conjunction with finishing my graduate degree (don’t worry, I am!), missing my job and my students, missing my friends and family, and taking my precious baby away from all who love us. Every ounce of fear in me was screaming DON’T DO IT! 

But then again, this opportunity came after the toughest year of my career, and truthfully my life, thus far. I was disillusioned to say the least. I know I’ve talked about my dear friend Laura Wallen to many of you, but her devastating death really shook me to my core. While I wouldn’t describe myself as a private person, I certainly wasn’t totally open about coping with her death. And after many months of coping with it, and trying to come to terms with it (not that I really think it’s possible to do), it really did have me look at my life and think about how I should live it. Laura, while quite introverted, knew what she wanted and was willing to take risks to get it. It was time for me to consider how I wanted to embrace this in my own life,  particularly in taking risks that I was averse to before.

Don’t get me wrong. Brian and I were living well. We had taken ample opportunities to travel, we had purchased our home and invested time, sweat, and tears to make it feel like our home. We were lucky to get pregnant when we felt ready to do so. Brian and I had talked about taking an opportunity like this later in life when our kids (don’t get excited—Asher’s going to be an only child for a little while) were older and off on their own, so when this job opened up, we were skeptical to apply. Did I mention this was before we knew we were expecting? But, with my new outlook, we said, why not? Apply. We knew it was a long shot, and it was a competitive position, so no harm. (Should have known better with my husband’s work ethic and slamming interview skills.) Brian applied and was offered an interview.

The following week, in the chaos of end of the year senior events, I thought that perhaps a pregnancy test was needed. And sure enough, it was. We had our moments of elation, slight fear, and for me, extreme exhaustion, before we even took a second to think about the interview. “Should I even interview?” was pretty much the second reaction from Brian. But as we were taught, you never turn down interview experience. So he did. He interviewed a couple of weeks later, and was offered the job the next day (he intelligently didn’t tell me for two days as he was offered the job on prom day!). 

Here’s how that conversation went:

“How would you feel about moving our family overseas?”

“Excuse me?”

“They offered me the job yesterday.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“…”

“Any thoughts?”

“Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?1?!?!” (This may or may not have involved a slap to his arm)

“You had prom and…”

“When do they need to know by?

“I asked for two weeks.”

“Ok, I’m not thinking about this until after graduation then.”

For two weeks, we went back and forth listing the same pros and cons. We could travel the world so much easier than we can now. We can open ourselves and our baby (at the time, we didn’t know it would be a boy!) to new cultures. This would advance Brian’s career. But, what about my career? I never really considered being a stay at home mom. Would I be happy? What about entering parenthood without support down the street? What about our friends and family? They can come visit! 

Obviously, we know which side won. At the end of the two weeks, on the Sunday night before Brian had to make his decision, we sat down. Brian was pretty much going (I think) since he found out. It was me holding it all up. I looked at him and told him, “I’m giving you a very reluctant yes. Don’t expect me to be overly excited. I am excited, but I’m scared too, and that’s how it’s going to be probably until we’ve been in England for a few months.” And he said he understood.

The time leading up to the move went by so quickly. Part of that was because our attentions were focused on our baby and the pregnancy. After Asher was born in late December, we then could focus our energies on moving overseas with a three and a half month old and a dog. Who knew Brewski would be the hardest part! We got the house ready to rent. We got my graduate degree completion sorted out. We figured out my leave process. This all happened so quickly. We were getting more excited and more apprehensive at the same time. Seeing our little boy with our friends and family made that part of our decision the hardest. We want him to see his family and friends all the time, but we also take some solace in the fact that he won’t remember not seeing them all the time. We planned going away events. We said our goodbyes to our house, friends, and then family. 

And now here we are.  And what I said still remains true. I am still a bit apprehensive with the adjustment, but I know that’s normal. I’m getting used to staying home with Asher (that boy really does make me so happy!). I’m looking into Mommy and me groups. I’m meeting new people. The town feels authentically English and offers many different things to see, do, eat, etc. Brian and I have ventured out to see some local sights. We’ve booked our first trip—Brussels, here we come! We’ve found a house to live in. We’ve had our first visitor (thanks, Kate!) and we have three more on the docket. We have tickets home to celebrate some of our favorite people for August/September. 

I think we will feel even more adjusted once our stuff arrives. Ladies and gentleman, there is definitely a point where all you need in life is your own bed, and your own cookware. But luckily, that will be here in a week. It hasn’t been easy. As many of you know, I cry at commercials, so saying goodbye was filled with some tears. I get a little sad when I see celebrations I want to be a part of happening back home, or want to just support friends in need, but I also know that we are in for more amazing experiences and I try to focus on that. I also know that all of our people know we are with them in spirit. Thank goodness for technology that has allowed us to keep in touch so easily with our friends and family. It will continue to be an integral part of our daily lives, and pretty much take up all of Asher’s screen time! 

So, my little anxious self is getting a little bit more relaxed each day and adjusting to my new “risky” life. If you’d asked me two years ago where I’d be today, I sure as hell wouldn’t have said living in England with my husband and son. But, risks are needed. And I’m grateful to have learned that lesson, because as Jim Rohn once said, “If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.” 

I don’t know about you, but I’m not willing to settle for ordinary.